Januariad

I can remember very clearly the last time I was outside. I was playing in the front garden with Eoin. We were casting around, searching bored for something to do. One of those long summer afternoons. I pulled a flower bud off the big bush in the corner and sat on the lawn, opening first the four segments of craquelured green shell and then starting, one by one, on the silk petals within. Eoin was talking about something I had half-tuned out. Fire engines or rockets or football, one of those three. It was always one of those three. I placed one of the pink petals on my tongue. It didn’t taste like anything at all. I smelled the half-denuded flower. It didn’t smell like anything at all. As I reached the centre the furls tightened around the core. They were smaller and more difficult to remove without crushing the bud. I knew when I’d reached the innermost petals; they dimpled easily under the edge of my thumbnail. I pulled back the final layer to reveal the innards, and tiny red spiders poured out over my fingers. Dozens and dozens of tiny spiders, before I could react. I leapt up screaming, letting the nest fall to the ground, shaking my hands helplessly. Eoin crouched over the mess on the grass repeating ‘What, what, what.’ The red dots disappeared quickly into the grass, save for the ones crushed between my fingers. I looked up at the bush from which I’d taken the bud. There were a hundred more still left. Five hundred. You can see, can’t you, why I haven’t been outside since. Would you, had you found what I found? I wonder where Eoin’s got to. He took off straight after. I haven’t seen him lately. He’d probably look different now. I think I look different. It doesn’t seem quite that long since I’ve left the house, but time can get away from you. Not that I’m even sure the bush is still there, of course. I can’t see it from the front window. It’s around by the side of the house. What I can see of the garden seems different. The grass is very long. I’ll have to remember to ask Mam when she comes back from the shops. If she ever comes back, hah hah. She’s been gone quite a while.