Januariad

Astrology is true and real. I know this because I’m a lion now. I woke up this morning, turned sleepily, and immediately noticed the loud groan of bedsprings. A scream, you might call it. It didn’t take me long to discover the cause: I am a huge five-hundred pound lion.

I’ve always had my doubts about astrology. It seemed undeniably true for me though. I was a Virgo, and also, at twenty-eight, a virgin. No one was in less of a position to question the science. But it never seemed to convince the few people to whom I was willing to explain this evidence.

But now! As a lion, they’ll have no choice but to believe me. I wonder whether I can still talk. These paws will be useless for typing. Perhaps I can dictate to someone. I could publish a paper.

Why a lion, asks you? What does being a lion prove if I am a Virgo? Well, what if I’m not! Just before going to sleep last night, I was reading an article about our planet’s relation to the stars. It seems the Earth’s axial wobble has shifted the intersection point between the celestial equator and the ecliptic west by thirty-six degrees. This means that the monthly signs have changed since they were originally mapped 2200 years ago! A man born on the twenty-third of August is no longer a virginal Virgo, he is in reality a Leo!

I switched off the computer tried to sleep. The article had thrown serious doubts on the one true fact of astrology in my life. By the time I fell under, I had near enough rejected the whole thing. But this morning I woke up a lion. Astrology is true, and I’m am a lion! RAAAWR!