Januariad

News comes through that God exists, but He didn’t have much to do with anything. He did not cause the Big Bang, nor was He an influence in the accretion of our solar system. Life sprung up entirely without His intervention, although He was admittedly quite delighted to observe this happy accident. The only thing He actually had a hand in was oranges. They were His pet project, if you will. Noting with interest the wonderfully specialised solutions that evolution was throwing up, He felt compelled to invent something that we would love as much as the apple. He built a brightly coloured (easy to locate) fruit, the flesh of which was sweet, nutritious, hydrating and deeply delicious. His master touch was to wrap the fruit in a smooth, durable skin, thereby creating a food that could be thrown in the bottom of a dirty sack for a week without damaging it. When removed and peeled it would seem as fresh as the day you plucked it from the tree. He waterproofed the skin — you could drop one in the river and pluck it out a thousand miles downstream, still perfect. As as afterthought He made mandarins for children — smaller, sweeter and easier to peel. The whole enterprise was a great success, He imagined. He’s slightly disappointed at how little we appreciate them.